In February 2020, I drove from Las Vegas to Huntington Beach CA to attend a bachelor party. Most people go the opposite direction for that purpose. Call me unconventional.
The Best Man was the organizer and he’s a bit on the wild side so I prepared mentally for risque circumstances.
The Bachelor Party
The party was just a group of surfers getting together. We reminisced about days of old when we surfed 4 to 5 times a week and had more on top. No scantily dressed girls, just beer, some food, and great conversations. Honest to God truth!
At the end of the night, I was caught off guard when the groom took me aside and asked me to consider taking on the role of wedding officiant. His original officiant fell through and I became the couple’s next thought. He said “don’t give me an answer now, just think about it and let me know.” What a slick salesman! Naw, I felt his sincerity and that’s the reason for our friendship. This brotherhood of over 10 years ago began in the waters off Huntington Beach when he, a complete stranger at the time, paddled over to warn me about a group of surfers, friends of his, who were planning to jump me for showing a lack of respect. At the time, I was learning the sport, although one couldn’t tell because I was skilled enough at catching a wave. I just didn’t know the rules of etiquette and they thought I was stealing waves. Today these dudes are my brothers. The world’s a funny place.
Before one of the brah’s left for the night, he asked me to step outside and have a beer with him. I naturally obliged and we each drained a Coors Light. He proceeded to tell me that it would mean a lot to the groom if I accepted. I recall feeling humbled yet flattered. Why me? I had zero experience, wasn’t baptized, and might be able to count the number of Bible studies I’ve attended on one finger.
Transition from Bachelor Party to Wedding Officiant
I knew nothing about being an officiant and what the state and church requirements were. I had every reason to turn down the request but my instincts pushed me to go for it and accept the request, so I did! Mind you, I’m not the greatest public speaker! I did some live radio, podcast recordings, and some public speaking engagements because of my profession, but I never felt like I was JFK or Dr. King.
I did feel confident and I also thought the experience might bring me closer to God.
Covid-19 hit a few days later, and the wedding was postponed. I felt badly for the couple to be wedded but it gave me more time to prepare to be an officiant. Months later, as things began opening up, the couple chose a new date in September.
As August approached, I began my preparation and had already officially become an ordained minister. The requirements are that you pay a fee. The package came in the mail containing an assortment of items including a badge stating I was “clergy”, marriage certificates, a “how-to” book, and a certificate confirming my status as an ordained minister. I spent time on the Internet researching state and county requirements and found the process to be very simple in California, Orange County. Virtually anyone can become an officiant technically speaking, but it should be reserved for those who are willing to take it on for the right reasons.
Over the period of a few weeks, I prepared a wedding script. At first, it was slow and awkward because it was all new. As the days went by and the structure started to come together, the memories of how the couple met and special experiences I recalled them having started to populate the script. Youtube was a great instructor. I became increasingly sure that something decent was coming together.
The day before the wedding, there was a rehearsal. Sheri and I drove out once again from Las Vegas. We love that drive as we find the desert beautiful to look at. The script was updated one final time the morning of the wedding and I was like a rocket on the launch pad ready to go.
Being an Officiant
The wedding took place in beautiful Huntington Harbor on a sandy beach. The reception area was adjacent and beautifully set up at the Huntington Bay Club. Due to Covid-19, the wedding could only host 15 people and that included me and the coordinator. Very sadly the wedding party, many close friends and family members were not invited for this reason. I felt guilt for being able to attend when many of my friends could not. I know the bride and groom were disappointed with the circumstances too.
Can you imagine what it’s like to be the best man or maid of honor and not be able to attend the wedding? Crazy. Early in the day though, the Best Man showed grace by coming by the hotel. He came by as a true brother and gentleman would. The photographer took many pictures which will become treasure troves for our kids when we’re 90 years old.
The wedding happened and I officiated. There were a couple of funny moments. When reciting his vows, the groom kept looking at me instead of the bride and I felt he was marrying me. I reminded him to look at the bride and we laughed half way through the vows. The brow held back sweat as long as it could and finally gave way. Sunscreen and sweat entered my left eye and I quietly shouted encouragement to myself that “The Show Must Go On!! I finished the officiating with a grand pronouncement “With the power vested in me….I now pronounce you Husband and Wife!” All the while, my eye flinched uncontrollably.
To make the wedding official, the officiant must sign the marriage license and state his title. Not knowing what I should write in as my title, my research led to an understanding that I am technically a minister. That was a wow moment for me.
Why One May Want to be an Officiate
I want to close this blog post by sharing how I felt being an officiant. Why? Well, I feel it is important for people to understand how rewarding it is to help others. Especially in this day of age, with so much racial tension, political divide, destruction of property, and hatred of people in uniform.
When a friend asks for a favor, it’s usually a good idea to oblige, most especially when you have all the reasons why you shouldn’t help. Days before this wedding, a close friend passed away. While I grieved in this loss, I embraced my duties as an officiant to help two friends who were starting a new chapter. It was as if the friend I lost sent me his blessings to officiate the wedding and send off the newlyweds to a long, happy, and prosperous life. It was much like passing the baton.
I also felt rewarded because I received many thanks and expressions of appreciation for doing a good job. I realized that prior years of trying and failing at public speaking had done me good. They gave me time to develop my skills and grow my comfort level doing something that was my biggest fear. I felt immense satisfaction knowing that the journey of a thousand hardships is what makes the destination a success. As I stated in the wedding script, it’s the journey that counts more than the destination.
I also felt that being a relative newcomer to the Holy Spirit, I learned what it means to touch others. It was my first opportunity to lead in prayer and it was awesome. For that brief and humbling moment, I was a minister for Christ and I joined two people in holy matrimony. With my words, I felt the experience allowed me to make life just a little bit happier for a group of people.
I am inspired to do more to leave a footprint for future generations. It doesn’t matter what we do to pay it forward. We just need to do something. For me, it is not beneath me to pick up trash as I do on my daily walks in my neighborhood or on my occasional trips to the beach to surf another wave. Perhaps soon I may spearhead a nationwide movement to eradicate public litter.
Watch out, it could happen! Or, you might become the next wedding officiant!
